Fiction Writing: ANXIETY

Prologue

Something’s behind his back. He could feel it. 

It was summer. Sun was not as bright on that day. The clouds increased the weight of sunshine. He sat in the backyard, facing the house, planning to enjoy this afternoon with a book about relations. No sound in the air but the strong wind. A coldness hit his back. He did not dare to look back, pretending that if he doesn’t see it then it wouldn’t exist. He opened up his books, but could not read a single word in here. Now cold sweat was all over his body. He wanted to stand up but that thing had pulled him back to the chair. Now, they confronted and dueled directly. The wind seized his wrist. The cloud blocked the sunshine that was supposed to shadow the thing. He wanted to scream, but he couldn’t.

Finally, he was defeated. Tear stained his face, but he was smiling.

Bruises were all over his body. He lied on the ground. The sun came out and everything went back to serenity again. He couldn’t figure out why and who did all this to him. This wasn’t the first time, but he knew it was getting more frequent than usual.

One 

It all started five years ago.

He was young back then, just entered teenage. One day the town summoned all the kids at that age in front of a well. The water in the well contained some kind of unspeakable shine with dazzling brilliance and all the colors in the spectrum. All the kids were amazed. An elder cousin once described the well to him, and he was attracted to it at first glance. A naughty kid tried to put his tongue on the water to taste it. All of a sudden, he was fenced off by a broad sturdy shoulder. It was an unnaturally lusty old woman. People called her Lady Jones. 

“Listen up, you little idiot. You don’t wanna mess around with this water.” She then set up a cordon around the well. “OK, you might wonder why you are in this freaky place.” She cleared her throat, “This is a safety class for all the town’s children once they reached teenage age. As you might feel already, the water in front of you is very tempting but extremely toxic in nature. Don’t ever have even think about what it might taste like. If you don’t listen and try to taste it, I won’t feel sorry for your parents’ loss. That’s all. You better leave here now, as far as possible.” 

Everyone followed but him. He stood still, like a pillar that had been always there while people were walking around him. He was obsessed. No, he was POSSESSED. He was not a fickle kid who messed things up all the time. In fact, he was extremely obedient to his parents and whatever other adults who always put their “life-changingly instructive” life experiences and rules on him. As a result, he seemed to do well in exams but not in interpersonal relations. 

But that water, the water of summation of all the temptation he had ever experienced, overwhelmed his basic belief. He asked himself the same question over and over again, “should I still follow these instructions if they are against what I truly want?” Yes, he wanted that water, and he wanted so bad. Looking at the young child’s eyes, we can see a mysterious vortex of all the colors of a rainbow. At this is the moment, something obscure appeared in his back, whispering “do what you really want, do what you really want.” The time froze and he felt as if all his nerves were twisted together. He hated this feeling because it made him feel vulnerable, which was against his father’s instruction. Suddenly, he ran back home and locked himself in the room. He wanted to cry, but tears wouldn’t come out.

That night he went back to the well. The water is the ever most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and that was what he had been chasing for life. He believed that he had dreamt about it before, many times. When he looked closer at the water, he saw the rainbow, the universe, the purpose of life. He dipped the water with his finger and sipped the very little part of it. The joy that brings to him was tremendous. The magic water, all of a sudden, formed a wave itself and wrapped him up and dragged his whole people into the water. Now he was totally immersed, and the unspeakable pleasure had struck him. He was scared, so he jumped out of the water and ran away.

He explained what happened to his elder cousin, and the excitement and unspeakable joy. His cousin didn’t even let him finish, “okay okay. I know exactly what you are talking about ‘cause I’ve tried this for like a hundred times,” He seemed impatient. 

“What? But they said that this was toxic…” 

“Bullshit. Those people, and that old nanny… what was her name? Right, Lady Jones, they wanted to prevent us from indulging in creature comforts. Let me tell ya, me and my friends are as healthy as a bull, and we don’t give a shit about what they think.” 

There was no light but a faint glow of a lamp in the house. He lied on the bed, feeling good about himself. “It can’t be better.” He thought to himself. Only thinking about the experience that night can bring him enough stimulus and joy. Out of the window, in the bush, there’s a pair of eyes peeping at him, but he knew nothing about what would happen next.

Two

Let thy desire flourish,

In order to let thy heart forget the beatifications for thee.

Follow thy desire, as long as thou shalt live.

Put myrrh upon thy head and clothing of fine linen upon thee,

Being anointed with genuine marvels of the gods' property.

Set an increase to thy good things;

Let not thy heart flag.

Follow thy desire and thy good.

Fulfill thy needs upon earth, after the command of thy heart,

Until there come for thee that day of mourning.

He got caught.

He got caught bathing in the dangerous toxic water.

Lady Jones took him to her office, and called his parents. When his parents arrived, Lady Jones spoke alone with his parents. He was standing in the hallway. It so quiet that he heard some hysteric sound from within. They called him in. They gave him two options; one is going home and never going to that place of forbidden again, the other is to quit school and stay in that place until he dies. To say that he was freaked out would be an understatement. He cried out like a baby, with tears and snot mixed together. He was too scared, too scared of losing everything. Behind him, something was laughing outrageously. 

He finally went home.

But as time went by, fear could not overcome every temptation. As expected, he managed to go there again under close surveillance. And again. And again. He walked on the school field track alone. He felt that every eye was staring at him and found his jaw tense as they ground his teeth. He knew that any suspicious action that he might present to the student would eventually go to Lady Jones’ office. He tried to act normal although he just had a nervous excitement five minutes ago. There was no peace here. He went to a bathroom and locked himself up. At this point, all his previous joy had turned into misery, and he had so broken apart that he just couldn’t keep back his tears. Like always, he heard that creepy laughing from behind. He decided to kneel down and smash his head on the ground over and over again, praying “no matter who you are, the god or someone else, please bring me relief, I would do anything to make things right.”

The thing stopped laughing and disappeared. 

Walking out of the bathroom, he was dazzled by the strong sunlight. He couldn’t recall when was the last time he had experienced such intense sunshine. The leaves of sweet olive were mightily green. The scent was pleasant. The sounds of Cicadas were still super loud. Everything went back to normal. He was still a good obedient student who aced all his tests. 

But as night became day, he started to understand the truth.